Listen. Be Open. Let the Connection Happen.
Listen. Be curious. Be open. Let the connection happen.
That means, when her lips are moving, yours aren’t.
When you respond, respond to her heart, rather than treating what she has said as an equation.
If she says, “you never spend any time with the kids?”
You may be tempted to respond, “I took them to skiing last weekend.” But that is only going to set off the whole circular accusations of her coming back with, “no, you wanted to go skiing and the kids went with you,” which may or may not be true.
Try another response. Respond first, not with words, but with a feeling of curiosity. Yes guys, we have feelings too. Respond with the feeling of curiosity. You might be thinking - I spend plenty of time with the kids. But if you want an intimate relationship with your wife, it must start with caring about her, about what she feels, thinks and wants. Once that feeling of curiosity is real, ask something to the effect of, “what makes you say that?” If you know she loves you and the kids, then you know she wouldn’t risk the challenge if she didn’t have a reason.
Then, listen. Think about what she says, again, not as a logical problem, but with the curiosity of a lover and the connection of a friend.
Start with curiosity and openness. Let the connection begin.